Povert

“Federal judge throws out Minnesota’s video game law”

While I have mixed feelings on whether or how to enforce age restrictions on video games, statements like this confound me:

“One of the most popular games in America teaches a little boy how to have sex with a prostitute and then beat her to death, and then rewards that,” said Rep. Jeff Johnson, who sponsored the bill in the House. “I think some small restriction on that is reasonable.”

What?

GTA does not teach you “how” to have sex (with a prostitute or otherwise). Or how to beat her to death. Unless watching a car rock counts as sex ed. And pressing a button in order to cause an on-screen character to mercilessly beat a prostitute (or, again, other people), while disturbing, does not teach anyone “how” to do it.

Then again, Star Fox taught me how to fly space ships and speak in a frog-like tongue (sup Slippy). I never would have got my driver’s license were it not for Mario Kart. Oh, and Resident Evil taught me how to get eaten by zombies. That’s come in handy. Final Fantasy VII? Taught me how to race chocobos. I owe my fortune to that quaint little game.

But I like the specificity — “a little boy”. Which little boy? And never mind the big boys. Or any girls, for that matter. I know many little girls who have, after 8-hour GTA marathons, beat the ever-loving shit out of prostitutes. After banging them, of course. I would have stopped every one of those girls from doing that, but hell. Law and Order was on.

All right, I’ll relax. Someone give me my goddamn happy pills.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 31st, 2006 at 5:18 pm and is filed under Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.